In-Flight Entertainment
I think I’m exhausted. It sort of hurts when I blink, and all day I’ve felt like my tears are being stored somewhere different - just behind my eyeballs, closer than wherever they usually are kept. At first I thought it was maybe just an accidental carb deficit from my new exercise routine - 6 days this week (hangry??) - but I had a banana and didn’t really feel any different.
I picked a fight with my sister this morning. I apologised (after my banana, so maybe that was the carb deficit). I picked a fight with my brother this afternoon, but I was right for that one.
I think it’s important to acknowledge a bad mood, so maybe this is me doing that. Unless you’re 5, if you’re in a foul mood for reasons you might not even understand, it is your job to either emotionally regulate, admit the mood aloud to explain your actions, or remove yourself from the company of others. Thankfully, i’m usually pretty even-keeled.
The world is at war. I’m flying to Europe, solo, to attend Paris fashion week. I deleted instagram, TikTok (ages ago), and the dating apps on my phone to free up space in my mind, accept my loneliness, boredom, emotional vulnerability, and stop numbing myself. The issue is of course that I now have space in my mind, am lonely, bored, emotionally vulnerable and not numb.
I keep getting little electric shocks to my ear from these inflight headphones. It feels almost like a tiny rubber band being pulled back and then released, but much less painful. I wonder if anyone has tried to sue for this? I’ve been sued (unsuccessfully), but I’ve never sued anyone. I wouldn’t know where to start, and it’s not in my nature. Probably with a call to my lawyer, but she is definitely more specific to entertainment law (songwriter splits and such), not personal injury (rubber band electric shocks). She looks after Ariana Grande and that, so she’s definitely great, but maybe not for this case.
I felt sad saying goodbye to my parents yesterday. They’re at an age now where they can spend a weekend making multiple morning hospital visits to different friends, and then visiting with the grandchildren in the afternoon. Life is moving fast, I need to see them again soon.
There’s something strangely comforting about someone with stadium lights around them admitting they’re just… tired. Teary. A bit prickly with siblings. Slightly electrocuted by airline headphones.
The banana detail is elite, by the way. Emotional regulation via potassium is a mood.
But truly — what I appreciate most is the discipline of naming it. Not spiralling. Not performing. Just saying: I’m in a bad mood. The world feels heavy. I’m lonely and not numbing it.
That’s rare.
In an era where we curate even our vulnerability, this felt unfiltered in the best way. Honest without theatrics. Self-aware without self-pity.
Also — if the in-flight headphones are shocking you, that feels like a metaphor trying too hard.
Safe travels to Paris. May the fashion be transcendent and the earbuds behave.
Loneliness sucks man. Hope it helps that you know you are well loved by so many 🥰